So drunk its hurt
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
