I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
