I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
