Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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