omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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