Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
