Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
