She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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