Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
