the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she smelled like a LAN party
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
