I just saw a hot homeless man
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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