Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
not ubering you a puppy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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