wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
