I want you more than these girls want KFC
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
