I need help removing her.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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