i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
tell me about the fingering
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
