hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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