What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
