Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
