I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
