Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
