my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
