he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
