i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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