I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
