John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
