After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
