take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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