you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
