i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
