we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
