And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
