i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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