I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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