He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
