Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
