yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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