The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
In America we eat man semen.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
