I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
