it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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