hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
