Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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