Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You are the jesus of drinking
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
