just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No subtext here. People are naked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
