I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
