She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
