I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
