As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
