I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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