I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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