i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You left your phone here
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