It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
