I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got her a Nickelback box set.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
