My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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