then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
