one two three fourrrrnication!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
