I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
