I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
