with your own penis?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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