i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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