I'm gonna have a badass scar
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
