he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
