Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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