im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My liver just broke up with me...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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