i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
