I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
A+ Viking dick
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
