From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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