Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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