I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's an acceptable place to lick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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