There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
