Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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