I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
