doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
