I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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