This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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