If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
