i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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