apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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